tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64388026217448464582024-03-12T19:39:23.683-05:00The Best and Worst of Internet JokesFunny (and some maybe not-so-funny) jokes that have been shared and found on facebook and other places on the internet. Some are worth repeating and others, well, everyone has their own sense of humor. :) momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.comBlogger60125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-12619982131755303112013-11-18T19:52:00.001-06:002013-11-18T19:52:52.543-06:00How many kinds? <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of
boobs. In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her
30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After
50, they are like onions'.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'Onions?'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, 'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes
through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty
and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but
reliable. After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'A Christmas tree?'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'Yes. The root's dead and the balls are just for decoration.'</span>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em><strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*</span></strong></em></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook </em><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">☺</span><em> </em></span><br /><em></em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br /><em></em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br /><a href="http://tinajo.origamiowl.com/"><em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">http://tinajo.origamiowl.com/</span></em></a></em></span><br />
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<br />momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-29641529108705540812013-11-18T19:37:00.000-06:002013-11-18T19:37:05.949-06:00New Skin <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A
married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was
severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft
any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to
donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that
the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The
husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin
came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">After the surgery
was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked
more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives
just went on and on about his youthful beauty! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">One day, he was
alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.
He said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.
How can I possibly repay you???'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'My darling,' she replied, 'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek!!!
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em><strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*</span></strong></em></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook </em><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">☺</span><em> </em></span><br /><em></em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br /><em></em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br /><a href="http://tinajo.origamiowl.com/"><em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">http://tinajo.origamiowl.com/</span></em></a></em></span><br />
momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-49988441698993831232013-11-01T13:50:00.000-05:002013-11-01T13:50:02.652-05:00Speeding<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"Just be quiet!" snapped the officer. "...or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"But officer, I just wanted to say...."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"I said be quiet! Now you're going to jail!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner and said,
"Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a
good mood when he gets back."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"Don't count on it," said the man in the cell. "I'm the groom!" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook </em><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">☺</span><em> </em></span><br />
<em></em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<em></em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<a href="http://tinajo.origamiowl.com/"><em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">http://tinajo.origamiowl.com/</span></em></a>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-31460738283006511872013-11-01T13:20:00.002-05:002013-11-01T13:20:32.854-05:00The Bet<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Two
bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive
Blonde woman from Alabama arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars
($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't
mind, but I feel much luckier when I play Topless." With that, she
stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, Baby,
Southern Girl needs new clothes!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down, and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She hugged each of the dealers. Then she picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The other answered, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>Moral ---</strong> Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blonde's are dumb. But, all men..... are men.</span>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook </em><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">☺</span><em> </em></span><br />
<em></em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<em></em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<a href="http://tinajo.origamiowl.com/"><em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">http://tinajo.origamiowl.com/</span></em></a>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-4844424331475882272013-10-30T23:58:00.000-05:002013-10-30T23:58:12.229-05:00Do you fart in bed ?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5VOJ6q-gwM7UudK_YCWG2W87kM4gsVR4s06TJ0ECSs6vAQ2P9OUXU6QxxelqT3D-BOpH6gRa4Yek83aGA-1n4JWnZtHf_J5rUd4Ou0nHZfVxbIhcz4NhotvjqgsAyL74jBFe0o9yJ5oA/s1600/fartinbed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5VOJ6q-gwM7UudK_YCWG2W87kM4gsVR4s06TJ0ECSs6vAQ2P9OUXU6QxxelqT3D-BOpH6gRa4Yek83aGA-1n4JWnZtHf_J5rUd4Ou0nHZfVxbIhcz4NhotvjqgsAyL74jBFe0o9yJ5oA/s1600/fartinbed.jpg" height="274" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Do you fart in bed ?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know
and I’ll pray for you. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This is a story about a couple who had been
happily married for years; the only friction in their marriage was the
husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise
would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her
gasp for air.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Every morning she
would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her
sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly
natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he
would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them
out. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey
for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards,
neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought
came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was
sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back
the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey
guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with
his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and
the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife
could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears
in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back
pretty good. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in
his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit
her lip as she asked him what was the matter. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">He said, “Honey you were
right… all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.”
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">“What do you mean?” asked his wife. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">“Well, you always told me that one
day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened,
but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got
most of them back in…….............…..”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook </em><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">☺</span><em> </em></span><br />
<em></em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<em></em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<a href="http://tinajo.origamiowl.com/"><em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">http://tinajo.origamiowl.com/</span></em></a>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-16970469875542474492013-10-30T11:20:00.004-05:002013-10-30T11:23:00.981-05:00Tourists<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A group of Canadians was traveling by tour bus through Holland.</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a
process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they
no longer produced.</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She then asked, "What do you do in Canada with your old goats that aren't producing?"</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours." </span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook </em><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: large;">☺</span><em> </em></span><br />
<em></em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<em></em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><br />
<a href="http://tinajo.origamiowl.com/"><em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">http://tinajo.origamiowl.com/</span></em></a>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-12782010351750700532013-08-12T20:45:00.006-05:002013-08-12T20:45:51.897-05:00The car won't start....<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburetor."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."</span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show"><br /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> "I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburetor."<br /> <br /> "We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"<br /> <br /> "In the swimming pool."</span>
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<em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">as seen on and copied from facebook :)</span></em> </span><br />momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-59443123471973147262013-08-11T20:50:00.003-05:002013-08-11T20:50:49.319-05:00No more kids<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.<br /> <br />
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his
wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that
there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but
that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was
to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold
the can up to his ear and count to 10.<br /> <br /> The man said to the
doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how
putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help
me."</span><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> <br /> "Trust me," said the doctor.<br /> <br /> So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:<br /> <br /> "1"<br /> <br /> "2"<br /> <br /> "3"<br /> <br /> "4"<br /> <br /> "5"<br /> <br /> At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand. </span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">as seen on and copied from facebook :)</span> </span></span></span></div>
momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-61909447786181279682013-08-11T20:49:00.000-05:002013-08-11T20:49:07.594-05:00The Statue<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: small;">A
woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door. </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: small;">"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly
rubbed baby oil all over him and dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't
move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a
statue."<br /> <br /> "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.<br /> </span><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: small;">
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths
bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they
went to sleep.<br /> <br /> Around two in the morning the husband got out
of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich
and a glass of milk.<br /> <br /> "Here," he said to the statue. "Eat
something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and
nobody offered me as much as a glass of water." </span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">as seen on and copied from facebook :)</span></span></span></span></div>
momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-84053005718748072632013-08-11T12:54:00.000-05:002013-08-11T12:54:36.149-05:00If you were a little girl in the 70's . . . .<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><em>If you were a little girl in the 70's . . . .</em></strong></span><br /><br />You wore a rainbow shirt that was half-sleeves, and the rainbow went up one sleeve, across your chest, and down the other.<br /><br />You made baby chocolate cakes in your Easy Bake Oven and washed them down with snow cones from your Snoopy Snow Cone Machine.<br /><br />You had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked.<br /><br />You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a basket with plastic flowers on it.<br /><br />You learned to skate with actual skates (not roller blades) that had metal wheels.<br /><br />You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute. (Admit it!)<br /><br />You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island.<br /><br />You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days.<br /><br />You had either a "bowl cut" or "pixie," not to mention the "Dorothy Hamilton" because your Mom was sick of braiding your hair. People sometimes thought you were a boy.<br /><br />Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession.<br /><br />You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers.<br /><br />You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.<br /><br />You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple satiny shredded outfits.<br /><br />You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze. The swing set tipped over at least once.<br /><br />You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color.<br /><br />You had a pair of Doctor Scholl's sandals (the ones with hard sole & the buckle). You also had a pair of saltwater sandals. What the heck are saltwater sandals????? (We called them jelly shoes/sandals.)<br /><br />You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Oleson!<br /><br />You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink. Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" or "feathers" and you kept it "pretty" with the comb you kept in your back pocket.<br /><br />You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie.<br /><br />You carried a Muppets lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic.<br /><br />You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazard was your boyfriend.<br /><br />Every now and then "It's a Hard Knock Life" from the movie, "Annie" will pop into your brain and you can't stop singing it the whole day...dadgumit!<br /><br />YOU had Star Wars action figures, too!<br /><br />It was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV. Your Mom would break out the popcorn and sleeping bags!<br /><br />You often asked your Magic-8 ball the question: "Who will I marry, Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or Rick Springfield?"<br /><br />You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack record album.<br /><br />You tried to do lots of arts and crafts, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes, decoupage, or those weird pot holders strung around that plastic square.<br /><br />You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your T-shirts!<br /><br />You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.<br /><br />You couldn't wait to get the free animal poster that came when you ordered books from the Weekly Reader book club. Double score if it was a teddy bear dressed in clothing.<br /><br />You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books (Are you there God, It's me, Margaret.)<br /><br />You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics.<br /><br />You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.<br /><br />You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.<br /><br />You had a Big Wheel with a brake on the side, and a Sit-n-Spin.<br /><br />You had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat. <br /><br />You spent all your allowance on smurfs and stickers for your sticker album.</span>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-65890622077839655462013-08-11T12:51:00.002-05:002013-08-11T12:51:11.805-05:00The birthday gift<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A
man was driving home from work one evening when he suddenly realized
that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't yet bought her a gift.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, the man rushed off to the nearest toy store and asked the sales clerk, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The sales clerk replied in a condescending tone, "Which Barbie? We have
Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95,
Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95,
Barbie Goes Nightclubing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."</span><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> <br /> The overwhelmed man asked, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 and all the others are only $19.95?"<br /> <br /> "That's obvious!" said the sales clerk. "Divorce Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, and Ken's furniture." </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">as seen on and copied from facebook :)</span> momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-38593644175882578312013-08-08T18:56:00.004-05:002013-08-08T18:56:33.825-05:00Mike & Maureen<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Mike and Maureen landed on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They met a Martian couple and were talking about all</span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">sorts of things. Mike asked if Mars had a stock market, if they had laptop computers, and how they made money,</span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Finally, Maureen brought up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asked Maureen.</span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span class="text_exposed_show" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">The male Martian responded, "Pretty much the way you do."<br /><br />A discussion ensued, and finally the couples decided to swap partners for the night. Maureen and the male Martian went off to a bedroom<br />where the Martian stripped. Maureen was disappointed to find that he had a teeny weeny member, about half an inch long and just a quarter<br />inch thick.<br /><br />"I don't think this is going to work," said Maureen.<br /><br />"Why?" he asked. "What's the matter?"<br /><br />"Well," she replied, "it's just not long enough to reach me!"<br /><br />"No problem," he said, and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap, his member grew until it was impressively long.<br /><br />"Well," she said, "that's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow."<br /><br />"No problem," he said, and started pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grew wider and wider.<br /><br />"Wow!" she exclaimed. They fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.<br /><br />The next day, the couples joined their normal partners and went their separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asked, "Well, was it any good?"<br /><br />"I hate to say it," said Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"<br /><br />"It was horrible," he replied. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears." </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook :)</em> </span>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-53065576898643367892013-08-08T18:53:00.002-05:002013-08-08T18:53:23.890-05:00An Irishman....<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.</span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time."<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline !important; float: none; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other is in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for my self." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;" /><span class="text_exposed_show" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round,the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."<br /><br />The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.<br />"It's just that my wife had us join that Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers though!" </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 13px/17px "lucida grande", tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">As seen on and copied from facebook :) </span>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-49440782678170064452013-08-07T17:03:00.002-05:002013-08-07T17:03:21.150-05:00The Bus Ride<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. ... The case came up in court.
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this...when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' .... <em><strong>I just lost it!"</strong></em> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook :)</em></span>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-47128214288809173712013-08-06T10:22:00.006-05:002013-08-06T10:22:42.689-05:00Game Day<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. <br /> <br /> Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 <span class="text_exposed_show">bills falling out of that bag."<br /> <br /> "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.."<br /> <br /> "Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"<br /> <br /> "Oh, no, no," said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.<br /> <br /> Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, on game days, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'"<br /> <br /> "Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"<br /> <br /> "Well, you know," said the little old lady, "not everybody pays." </span></span></span></span></span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></h5>
<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span class="text_exposed_show"><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">as seen on and copied from facebook :) </span></span></i></span></span></span></h5>
momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-17445744302214757132013-07-29T13:47:00.002-05:002013-07-29T13:47:10.610-05:00A Man's Handy Guide<span class="userContent"><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other.<br /><br /> DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?<br /> SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?<br /> SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?</span><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?<br /> SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.<br /> SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!<br /><br /> DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?<br /> SAFER: Could we be overreacting?<br /> SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.<br /><br /> DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?<br /> SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.<br /> SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?<br /><br /> DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?<br /> SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo today.<br /> SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe. </span></span></div>
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed">
<span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span> </div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span> </div>
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<span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></span> </div>
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed">
<span class="text_exposed_show"><em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">as seen on and copied from facebook :)</span></em> </span></div>
</span>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-51237160266229664532013-07-29T12:51:00.004-05:002013-07-29T12:51:45.881-05:00Why Men Are Happier<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Why Men Are Happier--</span>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men can play with toys all their life.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes which are good for every season.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men can "do" their fingernails with a pocket knife.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men's bellies usually hide their large hips.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Chocolate is just another snack.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The whole garage belongs to them.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Weddings take care of themselves.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men's last name never changes.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Everything on a man's face stays its original color.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men only have to shave their faces and necks.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men can keep the same hairstyle for years, even decades.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For men, wrinkles add character.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men can go on a week's vacation and pack only one suitcase.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men's new shoes don't cause blisters, or cut or mangle their feet.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men don't have to stop and think which way to turn a screw.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men have one mood all the time.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A wedding dress cost $5000. A tuxedo rental - 100 bucks
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Men can open all their own jars.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook :)</em> </span>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-73280492974749220762013-07-28T19:14:00.002-05:002013-07-28T19:14:27.680-05:00Warnings that should be placed on alcohol containers<strong><em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Warnings that should be placed on alcohol containers:</span></em></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>WARNING:</strong> Consuming alcohol may make you think that you are whispering when really you aren’t.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>WARNING:</strong> Consuming alcohol may be a major factor in you staggering around like an idiot.</span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> <br />
<strong>WARNING:</strong> Consuming alcohol may give you the urge to call that really
hot girl who is just dying to hear from you, when in fact she really
isn’t.<br /> <br /> <strong>WARNING:</strong> Consuming alcohol may make you erroneously
think that you have suddenly been endowed with amazing skills at Karate
and Kickboxing.<br /> <br /> <strong>WARNING:</strong> Consuming alcohol make cause you to think that you are invisible.<br /> <br /> <strong>WARNING:</strong> Consuming alcohol may give you the impression that people aren’t really laughing AT you, they’re laughing WITH you.<br /> <br /> <strong>WARNING:</strong> Consuming alcohol may lead to unexplained carpet burns on your forehead.<br /> <br />
<strong>WARNING:</strong> Consuming alcohol may mislead you into thinking that you are
more handsome, stronger, smarter, and tougher than a really, really
large man named Hans.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<em><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">as seen on and copied from facebook :)</span></em> momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-10601411062184707642013-07-24T08:38:00.003-05:002013-07-24T08:38:46.923-05:00What's in common? <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">What do a baby and a doorknob have in common?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">. . . </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">. . . </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">. . . </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">. . . </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">They're both something to a-dore! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">:) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">as heard on "<em>The Donna Reed Show</em>"</span></strong> momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-68004094773666207912013-07-24T08:35:00.004-05:002013-07-24T08:35:35.070-05:00HOW THE WOMAN GOT HER NAME<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><strong><em>HOW THE WOMAN GOT HER NAME:</em></strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Adam was in the Garden of Eden, bored with all the animals and feeling
mighty lonely. God saw this, and being the generous sort, decided to
make the perfect helper for Adam.</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So God put Adam to sleep, took out a rib, and crafted the most beautiful thing ever seen in His creation.</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When Adam woke up, he took one look at her stunning radiance, and exclaimed, "WO! MAN!"
</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="color: #a64d79;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook </em><strong>:)</strong></span></span><strong> </strong>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-80939407169135634972013-07-23T18:51:00.002-05:002013-07-23T18:51:34.678-05:00Luxury<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">After
17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. He
wanted to continue living in their downtown luxury apartment with his
new lover so he asked his wife to move out and get another place.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">His wife agreed to this, provided that he would give her 3 days alone
at the apartment to pack up her things. She spent the first day packing
her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she
had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat
down for the last time at their beautiful dining table by candlelight,
put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a
bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each room
and deposited a few of the half-eaten shrimp shells into the hollow of
the curtain rods.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for
the first few days. Then slowly the apartment began to smell. They tried
everything; cleaning & mopping and airing the place out. Vents were
checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners
were hung everywhere.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Exterminators were brought in to set off
gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in
the end they even paid to replace the expensive carpet.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Finally, they could not take it any longer and decided to move. They
could not find a buyer for their stinky apartment so they had to borrow a
huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The moving
company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking
everything to their new home . . .</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">. . .including the curtain rods!
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook :) </em></span>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-86385959821784046982013-07-22T15:23:00.000-05:002013-07-22T15:23:38.295-05:00How do you say that?<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching
Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As
they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee,
"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you
please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook :)</em> </span>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-17029834686488797672013-07-22T14:57:00.000-05:002013-07-22T14:57:05.197-05:00Expenses<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I
was watching an old George & Gracie episode last night, and their
accountant was trying to figure out some of Gracie's deductions:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Personal expenses: $120 for a wave -- You see, my friend waved, and when I waved back I drove into a tree.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Under health expenses: $50 for a full-length mirror -- That's right, I
got it for my father so he wouldn't get pneumonia. You see, before he
only had a half-length mirror, so when he went outside he forgot his
pants.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">$75 for goldfish -- Well, I put the goldfish bowl on the
phonograph and turn it on so the goldfish get their exercise without
having to swim around.</span>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook :)</em></span> momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-39065868957866054882013-07-22T12:47:00.003-05:002013-07-22T12:47:59.350-05:00Late night call<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Late
one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a
sleepy, grumpy voice, I said, "Hello." The party on the other end of the
line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy
speech.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I
had to call because I'm going to be a little late getting home. See,
Dad's car has a flat but it's not my fault. Honest! I don't know what
happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater.
Please don't be mad, okay?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Since I don't have any daughters, I
knew the person had misdialed. "I'm sorry, dear," I replied, "but I
have to tell you you've reached the wrong number. I don't have a
daughter named Susan. In fact, I don't have any daughter at all."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A pause.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"Gosh, Mom," came the young woman's quavering voice, "I didn't think you'd be this mad."
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>as seen on and copied from facebook :)</em> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span>momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438802621744846458.post-71869510969907582892013-07-17T08:59:00.001-05:002013-07-17T08:59:15.224-05:00How to make babies :)<div class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">A
3rd-grade girl came home from school. She was very happy, and her Mom
noticed this. Mom asked, "What makes you so happy today?" The girl said,
"Mom, we learned how to make babies in school today!"<br /> <br /> Thinking that 3rd grade was a bit early for that, she asked her daughter to tell her how.<br /> <br /> "It's easy, Mom -- you just drop the y, and add ies," the daughter said.</span></span></span></div>
momof8http://www.blogger.com/profile/05646842877725211229noreply@blogger.com0